In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
