dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
