maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
