you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
