We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
