Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
