So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
