she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
