I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
