my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
