I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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