Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
