Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
