all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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