Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
