alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So squirting runs in the family.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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