my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
