Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
