Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize