Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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