you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
