it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
