I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
high people should be assigned attendants
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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