he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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