..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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