This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are we still banned from the library?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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