Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize