God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
