I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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