Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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