just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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