I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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