drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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