There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
