My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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