It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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