I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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