i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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