before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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