Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
