that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
