did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
