highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize