I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
