I'm jealous of your bromance
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
