Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
