Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
