College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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