remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
