i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
