Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
