I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
