WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
