once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
