you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
