my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize