This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
