Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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