her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
