This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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