his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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