How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dick very happy bro
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize