She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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