we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
