you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
