he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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